Pee Here Now

Several years ago, I switched health insurancethe time I misplaced my purse before an
companies and my new insurer sent a uniformedimportant ceremony and had nothing to contribute
nurse with short black hair to my house toto the fight against world hunger.The increasing
conduct a health assessment. We sat at mybouts of absent-mindedness had been worrying
kitchen table and she officiously asked questionsme, and the jokes from friends about early
about my health history."Diabetes?" she asked, asAlzheimer's were starting to be not so hilarious.
if accusing me of illicit drug use."No," IBut last week I got some valuable insight into
answered."Cancer?" Nope."High blood pressure?"absent-mindedness when I completed an
Nope.When she'd completed the questionnaire, sheassessment called the Gregore Style
reached into a portable metal case and retrievedDelineator.This assessment groups people into
a white plastic cup. "Last thing I'll need is a urinefour types based on how they value certain
sample," she said, sliding the cup toward mewords. The word "lively," for example, struck me
across the wooden table.I took the cup to myas more appealing than "rational." I liked the word
bathroom, set it on the white tile counter,"spontaneous" better than "trouble shooter."When
unzipped my jeans, sat down, and promptlythe results of my word valuations were tabulated,
started thinking about something else. Many longI was shown to be a clear "Abstract Random,"
seconds later, I stood, re-zipped my jeans, and,whose negative characteristics include a proclivity
still absorbed in my thoughts, looked down to findtowards "flightiness," and an inattention to detail
the empty plastic cup waiting on the tilewhich often earns them the title of -- and I'm
counter.My consciousness careened back to thequoting directly from the assessment -- "an
present. The cup!! How could I forget to fill theoff-the-wall flake."However, in reviewing the
cup?!! I picked it up and held it at eye level. Theassessment, I learned there are several good
cup seemed larger somehow, and infinitelyreasons why Abstract Randoms -- "A-Rs" for
unfillable, like a gigantic movie prop from "Honey, Ishort -- appear so flighty. For starters, and I'm
Shrunk the Kids." I set it back down andbragging only a little here, A-Rs have vivid
considered my options.I could fill the cup withimaginations, a tremendous capacity to absorb
water and "trip" on my way out of the bathroom.and relate seemingly unrelated facts, and they
I could invent an excuse involving dehydration oroften divert their attention only to that which has
bladder shyness. I could wedge through thepersonal meaning. (A urine cup? I don't think
narrow window above the bathtub and flee to theso.)Furthermore, A-Rs rarely work in a sterile
airport.Realizing none of these schemes wouldoffice with an orderly desk. Instead, and I plead
work, I ultimately had to admit to the nurse thatguilty, the office of an A-R is located in whatever
I'd forgotten what I'd gone to the bathroom for.coffee shop she happens to be working in. Her
"I can drink a bunch of water and try again in afiling cabinet is in her head.Needless to say, I found
few minutes," I offered."That's okay," she said,these results reassuring. As a journalist, I'm paid
grabbing the empty cup and dropping it into herto find connections between people and the
metal box. "I'll come back tomorrow. I haveevents that surround them. Thus, I have to
nothing better to do."I'd like to report this was anspend time musing about life and what it means,
aberrant bout of absent-mindedness, somethingand sometimes the best time for musing is when
that could be chalked up to cold medication or aI'm doing some other mindless task. So what if I
fight with my mother. But the fact is, I tend toforget a purse in the process?All of this has
forget. A lot. And it's getting worse.In the lastgotten me to thinking about something I learned
several months, I've left my purse in two Mexicanin a novel writing class and that is that a
restaurants, a coffee shop, the trunk of a friend'scharacter's greatest strength is also her biggest
car, and a department store dressing room. Twoweakness.It's certainly true in my case, but it's
weeks ago, I removed a nozzle from my gardenalso true of many people: the brilliant physician
hose and spent the latter part of that afternoonwho focuses so intently on healing a patient's
trying, in vain, to discover where I'd placed it.Thebody that he neglects to comfort her soul; the
scary part for me is that over the last fewquick-thinking marketing whiz who's hugely
months I've also been going to a Zen Center in anintolerant of people who don't "get it" as quickly
effort to practice meditation and mindfulness. Oneas he does. Even Einstein, from what I hear,
of my goals has been to become less forgetfulcouldn't remember his own address or phone
by being more fully present. Or, to paraphrase anumber.The point I'm trying to make, and I'm not
popular Buddhist saying, "To pee here now."Butat all defensive about this, is that no one is strong
I've even forgotten things at the Zen Center, likein all facets of human behavior.